A group of well-meaning parents challenged this book on Salt Spring Island not because it is LGBTQ+ (according to the posts) but because it contains what some parents deem to be ‘pornographic’ content.
This challenge was taken to the Gulf Islands Secondary School Administration, the SD64 school board, and the Parent Advisory Council. Screenshots from a website called “BookLooks” were posted on Facebook.
BookLooks launched in 2022 and uses a rating system approved by the right-wing activist group “Moms for Liberty.” The website states that the creators do not support the banning of books.
In less than 2 years, BookLooks became THE go-to resource for anyone seeking to ban books - especially books about sexuality, gender, and the LGBTQ+ community. In Virginia, one school district has adopted the site as an official reference tool for vetting its library books.
I’m not certain why “Gay Like Me” was challenged by parents at our school. It is not listed in BookLooks, and a cursory Google search reveals only praise for this heartfelt and timely message from father to his son about the joys and perils of being gay in America. Much of what he writes about is also true for Canada.
I’ve also read it cover to cover. If this book challenges you, I invite you to take a very close look at why. And, please remember that grooming is a product of fear and is something that some people think adult Queer people do to ‘recruit’ younger people into being Queer. As a bisexual person who lived for almost ten years as a lesbian, I can tell you that no one groomed me and that realizing that I had romantic and sexual feelings for women brought me to the divine place of knowing who I am and why I always felt like I didn’t quite fit in. I can also tell you that coming out to my family was the single most challenging thing I have ever done in my life.
Richie Jackson, a prominent Broadway and Television producer, wrote this book after his 15-year-old son came out to him. He panicked because he and his husband Jordan felt that they had not adequately prepared their son for life as a gay man
.Jackson writes, “I am thrilled for the flight ahead of you; I am wary of the fight ahead of you.”
While he offers a synopsis of the joys of the found family, friendship, and culture inherent in being gay, he also warns of the perils. Using his own personal experience as a launchpad, he touches on topics such as Stonewall, the HIV/AIDS crisis, and the fight for marriage equality. He articulates the fact that, as a gay dad, he has to come out over and over again to teachers, doctors, school administrators, and at Temple. And that he is always discerning about who he comes out to.
“Before I knew better, I thought that coming out would be like my Bar Mitzvah. I’d do it once, be anointed as an adult gay man, and then move on with my life. It doesn’t work like that. coming out is an everyday process. Even at 54 years old, I still come out regularly, multiple times a day. And as gay dads, my husband Jordan and I have to come out at every music lesson, play date, and doctor’s appointment.”
Once, when he asked his son about other families at school with same-sex parents, his son responded, “That’s your issue, not mine.”
This becomes the crux of his book.
He writes about the realization that he has raised his children within a tolerant, open, and loving environment and that this was intentionally created by him and his husband. While this is amazing, he realizes he must explain to his son why this is also a mirage.
The rise of anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, discrimination, hate crimes, and legislation means that the fight is not over. In fact, since the election of Trump, LGBTQ+ people - particularly transgender people - are experiencing more discrimination than they were a decade ago.
While marriage equality may still be a reality, Jackson agrees with the notion that it could be in jeopardy - just like Roe v. Wade.
In 2023, at least 510 anti-LGBTQ bills were introduced in state legislatures across the US. A new record at nearly three times the number of similar bills introduced in 2022. According to the American Civil Liberties Union, there has been a steady increase in anti-LGBTQ+ bills that are aimed at education, health care, drag performances, civil rights, accurate identification, public accommodations, etc.
By the end of Richie’s book, I was moved. I valued the balance he struck between guiding his son to live with joy and paying heed to his safety.
Richie is a gay man, and so his book focuses on being a gay man in America, both historically (over the course of his own life) and currently (as he looks at what is in store for his son).
I don’t want to see this book challenged or banned. I want to see more books like this written. I want to see the book, part practical guide, and part letter from an elder written by a lesbian aunt to her niece. I want to see the book that helps trans youth know who they are in the context of history and the future written to a transwoman’s best friend’s daughter.
I want to see these books because they are evidence that there are elders in the LGBTQ+ community who can be not just a lifeline but a source of understanding why it is that we still cannot feel safe and what we need to do to stay safe without going back in the closet.
Not long after Richie and his husband were married, a gay man was beaten to death near their home. Richie’s dad called the next day and asked them not to hold hands publicly. He asked this not because he is homophobic but because he is worried. As Richie says, we may be legal (marriage), but we are still not safe.
Ultimately, I am devastated at having to write this.
I adore writing book reviews.
But this is different. My parasympathetic nervous system starts to ramp up ... it’s doing so now as I type.
I don’t love the urgency I feel in needing to convince other parents on our small island - which so often purports to be a caring and warm community - to reconsider their view on banning LGBTQ+ books whose goal is to help youth to feel seen and find belonging.
I don’t love posting it publicly on social media, wondering if someone will take issue with what I’ve said.
But, nobody talked about being LGBTQ+ when I was growing up, and at school, it was only brought up as an insult and derogatory put-down.
And I want better for your kids and mine.